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Writer’s ego: success

ego

I’m really not falling off of the blog-wagon, just too busy to mash together any ideas longer than 140 characters. Anyhow, I did have a thought the other day that I want to share, although it’s a rather incomplete thought. What came across my mind is the product of a challenging month, both positive and negative. It’s about success. Success comes in two parts:

1: convincing yourself and others you can do something,
2: proving it.

Before I go much further, I want to point out that I don’t consider myself a particularly successful person. No doubt I’ll be called out on this one, because I’ve done alright, but I’m really not where I want to be, and I fail badly at #1.

It’s one thing to sit in an interview and wax poetic about your skills and abilities, and perhaps even be convincing enough to satisfy the hiring manager(s) that you are, in fact, all that and more. This is well and good, but it’s only part of the story. Once you walk into that new job or contract, the clock starts ticking to prove yourself. I’ve hired a lot of people. Some try too hard to prove themselves and miss the mark, after all they were hired for a particular task. I’ve hired others who come in, identify the needs and push to excel in meeting those, and I have absolutely hired people that have come in and upon being hired feel there isn’t any need to prove themselves, or only give it a token effort.

I think it’s the same with writing, well any craft really. An amazing sales pitch might sell lots of books, but what’s that worth if the story stinks? Conversely, I could write an amazing story with fabulous commercial potential, but if I can’t make the sales pitch, nobody will ever know. Both of these things need to happen. As much as I’d like to be a professional, full-time writer, I recognize I’m chasing a dream. I’m fine with that, but I would like people to read and enjoy my story.

I could sit here and blog all day long about how well I write, maybe convince a few folks that I can tell one hell of a story. However, without a damn good story to stand behind, what does it even mean? What does it mean if I’ve written an excellent story and haven’t been able to convince anyone they should take a look at it?

I have no idea.

I don’t really know where I was going with that. Perhaps I just want to make the point that this is something I struggle* with.

 

* Beat myself up.

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Flash fiction – Lucky 13

I haven’t posted anything in a while. Summer has been busy, with the nice weather I’ve been focused on trying to get outside stuff taken care of. Anyhow, here’s a bit of flash fiction. Needs work, but I’m not likely to do much more with it.

 

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“That’ll be four seventy-five,” Allison said, picking up two white paper cups and a black sharpie. “Can I get a name for the order?”
The moment she said it, she felt stupid. The place was, after all, empty. Except for a smelly, hairy hipster-type clacking away haughtily at his laptop in a corner drinking his stupid soy latte, there wasn’t anyone else in the shop.
The man looked up from counting exact change and squinted at her. He glanced over his shoulder, “You must be new. The name’s Albert,” he said in a raspy voice.
Allison could feel her face go red. She slide the cups over the counter to the barista who took them without looking up.
Albert dropped a couple of quarters into the tip jar and picked his folded newspaper from the counter, tucking it under his arm.
It was her second day at the Lucky 13 coffee shop. So far it hadn’t gone well. Aside from the place having the feel of a funeral parlor, the young woman making the coffee hadn’t so much as introduced herself, the tips had been awful, the A/C was always too high and nobody had been particularly friendly. and she couldn’t imagine why two of them should be there on such a quiet afternoon.
“Here you are Albert,” The barista said, handing the two cups over to the man.
“Thank you miss,” Albert said.
Allison watched him slowly make his way to a small table against a tall plate window overlooking the street.
“He’s a regular?” Allison asked, struggling to remember the name of her coworker.
“Been coming in every Tuesday afternoon since long before my time,” The barista said, picking up a rag.
“Not much for words is he?”
The barista shook her head, staying focused on cleaning up her station. “Not really.”
While she was talking, Albert set one cup on either side of the table for two. He took his seat at one of them, and proceeded to unfold it.
Allison eyed the cup on the other side of the table. “Is he waiting for someone?”
“No. It’s for his wife.”
“Oh,” Allison said. “Does she come in often too?”
The barista ignored Allison’s question. “I’m stepping out for a smoke, ring me if you need anything.”
For most of an hour, Albert sat at his table, sipping his coffee and reading. Every so often he would look over the top of his paper, squint, say a few words, or smile, and return to his reading. Something about it made Allison feel cold. The barista hadn’t returned from her smoke break, but as there weren’t any customers, it hardly mattered. Finally, Albert took a last sip from his cup, folded up his newspaper, and stood up. He looked at Allison, and tipped his hat again before leaving.
Allison sighed as she looked at the two cups he’d left on the table. He’d forgotten his other cup. It hadn’t been touched the entire time he had been there. She ran around the counter to retrieve the cup in the hopes she might be able to catch him before he disappeared. The moment her hand touched the cup, she froze and every hair on her body stood on end. It was empty. On the edge of the lid, right where the drinking hole was, she saw the faint smudge of red lipstick. She thought about how Albert glanced over his newspaper, talking with someone who wasn’t there. With a deep breath, she set the empty paper cup back down.
Trying to convince herself there was a perfectly logical explanation, she looked up at the large plate glass windows. Her faint reflection stared back at her. Her heart thumped hard in her chest and she clinched her fists. Unlike the room she was in, her reflection was in standing in a crowded shop. All manner of people could be seen reflected in that window.
Doing her best to suppress a scream, Allison slowly turned around face the empty room. The sudden rasp of a chair being pulled out echoed off the red-brick walls. It was too much. She let out a clipped scream. With slow, shaking footsteps, she edged her way toward the door. Even if there had been a logical explanation for what she’d seen, she had no interest in hearing it.

photo credit: caution contents hot via photopin (license)

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Liebster Award

Today while I was knee-deep in writing up some statistical documentation, debugging an MS Access time-out error, and seriously considering alternatives to cursors*, my telephone chimed. It was that special chime you get when someone clicks a like or comments on the blog. If you’ve got an iPhone with the WordPress app installed, you’ll know what I’m talking about. It was a like from Gabriel Penn, followed by a comment.

When I finally got a moment to actually look into my notifications in some detail, the comment said that he had nominated me for the Liebster award. I have been nominated in the past for other, similar, awards, but elected not to ‘accept’ them. In part because they have the feel of a chain letter. I’ve been considering that position lately though. I’ve come to the conclusion that, in fact, these awards do serve a purpose. First off, they offer a way for bloggers to, out of the blue, recognize others that have inspired them, informed them, or otherwise made their experience in life somehow better. Secondly, they provide a way to connect important elements of a blogger’s social network to other, disconnected parts**.

With all that in mind, I’ll accept the nomination and keep the chain going, but perhaps from a slightly different perspective. In order to ‘accept’ this nomination or award***, I’ve got to first answer some questions about myself, from http://officialgabrielpenn.wordpress.com/ here they are:

1. Why do you blog?
I started the blog because I decided to become serious about writing. I bought a new computer (Like a cheap one that is like 25% nicer than the on I had and 50% bigger), and started a blog. The blog was intended as a place to muse about the things I am learning, the problems I am having and most importantly, connect to other writers. I continue because it encourages me to write. Since I started, I went from having 2/3rds of my WIP written to now working through my first full re-write.

2. Favorite music?
90’s alternative.

3. What would be your perfect day?
My perfect day would be a day where I truly didn’t have to think or worry about work (my day job). Just for a day.

4. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
To take this into the realm of fiction, since it says ‘anywhere’, I’d like to visit any other planet in the universe that has an atmosphere and climate similar to Earth. Alternatively, a visit to the UK might be fun.

5. Favorite author?
This is a super difficult one. When I was younger the answer was Piers Anthony, no question. He made me love books. I’m not sure I’ve really got an overall favorite any more, at least not one author I would single out.

6. Coke or Pepsi?
I prefer Coke, but I’ll drink Pepsi without a fuss. I’m not super picky.

7. What is your favorite historical time period?
I’m fond of vikings and Alfred’s England – late 800s. That’s a pretty interesting time.

8. Read on a Kindle or paperback book?
Kindle, Paperback, Nook, audio book, whatever, it really just depends on how I can get my hands on what I want to read.

9. Who would you want with you if you were stranded on a deserted island?
My wife.

10. Favorite color?
Green.

11. What do you hope people get out of your blog?
This is a tough question. If anything, I’d hope that other writers would see the various difficulties or concerns I’m writing about and identify with them. It’s much easier to face challenges and problems when you know others are standing there with you.

So, there are my responses. Below are the nominations. Again, I’m taking a slightly different direction than intended here. I’m naming these blogs because I think others should take a look at what these folks have to say, and what they’re up to. I’m ignoring the number of followers anyone has. I find their insight helpful and their work compelling. If for some reason you’re reading my blog and haven’t seen these, go take a look.

Even though Gabriel Penn nominated me for this, I’m placing his name on my list as well. Check out what he’s up to.

1.) officialgabrielpenn.wordpress.com
2.) pisscoffeeandvinegar.wordpress.com
3.) pontiuscominius.wordpress.com
4.) wyrmflight.wordpress.com
5.) suebahr.wordpress.com
6.) dreamsandletters.wordpress.com
7.) fantasyhandbook.wordpress.com
8.) jessicamariebaumgartner.com
9.) ducksandchickens.wordpress.com

I know the rule says 11, but I ran out of folks I would put on to the short-list that I feel are really worth reading. Plus it’s late and I’m getting tired.

Finally, for those who choose to continue the chain, here are 11 questions.
1.) Why do you blog?
2.) What is one of your core values?
3.) If you could work anywhere, where would that be?
4.) If you had the opportunity to ask 1 question of any author who ever lived, who would you ask, and what would your question be?
5.) What inspires you?
6.) If you were to be remembered in the world from 1 piece of advice, what would your advice be?
7.) Favorite beverage?
8.) Do you have a favorite font?
9.) How do you deal with rejection?
10.) What is your current or most recent project?
11.) What do you hope people will get out of your blog?

* If you are even remotely curious just google T-SQL cursors. This isn’t a blog about SQL Server after all.
** I’m not going to claim to be an expert at social networking, or social networking analysis, but if you mapped out connections you would see more than one tight groups in any individual’s network that don’t connect to other groups at all, except through the root. Award posts offer a one-time connection to these disconnected parts such that they might connect.
*** I’m really sort of fuzzy on how this works, even after spending 45 seconds researching it.