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Wine Bottles and Broomsticks Inkshares campaign

Winebottles_Broomsticks

Inkshares link: https://www.inkshares.com/books/wine-bottles-and-broomsticks?referral_code=b03ff715

If you’ve spent any time at all following me on social media the past week, it’ll come as no surprise that I’m working on getting this project published on Inkshares. It’s more than just that though. I’m also trying to get the most pre-orders to win a contest with Geek and Sundry. If I can work this to the top of the list, Geek and Sundry will help me promote and sell this book. In order for that to happen though, I need support. Like A lot of support. I need hundreds of pre-orders. So, like a profoundly broken record with no actual sound, but lots of repetition, I’m asking for help. And the help is its own reward – if you pre-order for the usual price of a book, you get the book once it’s been edited. You’re just buying it ahead of time. Of course, if you wait, there won’t be a book to buy, so if you’re in the mood for a light-hearted urban fantasy in the vein of The Dresden Files, check out the first chapter. Don’t worry though, if i don’t make my goal, which really nobody wants, you get your money back. So, this is a win only situation, what do you say? Take a look at the sample on Inkshares.

-Dave

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One year on

Like any writer, I’ve got a day-job*. It may not be as a writer, but it pays the bills in the nearly satisfying manner writing usually doesn’t. This weekend concludes a week off that day job to do a bit of parenting, spending money I haven’t got, and a little bit of recreation. It also happens to mark the 1 year anniversary of working the current job.

How was the first year?

Not great. It hasn’t been all bad, of course. I’ve learned a tremendous amount. I’ve got 2 more query languages under my belt, figured out how to use a tool called Eclipse BIRT, and have managed to become moderately proficient in reporting from a Cerner EHR database. Not to mention I picked up Tableau and aggressively honed my Java programming skills.

On Friday. The last Friday of a week of badly needed time off and the 1-year anniversary of my first full day at the current position, I got a call from work. Nobody likes a call on a day off. Especially when that person happens to be standing chest-deep in the broken floor of their father-in-law’s arctic entry way. This particular call wasn’t a pleasant, hey could you tell me where that file is? sort of call. No. This was a “I was just told someone personally complained to the CEO that you haven’t done your job and I want to know why the hell not.” sort of call.

Getting this news on it’s own isn’t really what I’d describe as world-ending. After all, I’m pretty sure folks don’t usually get fired while on vacation, so that’s a start. To rub just a little salt into that wound though, I was angling for a promotion. It was a wee-bit of a long shot, but I’ve got relevant experience and thought I had a solid work-record. After all, I have managed to do a lot over the course of just a hand-full of months with absolutely no knowledge of health-care databases or reporting. At this point, any hope of promotion is dead. What’s more, this calls into question longevity. Careers aren’t built on reports to the head-honcho that you haven’t done enough, and possibly that you haven’t done anything at all.

What’s interesting about this is that I do have a bit of management experience and have been on the other side of the table. The very same side saying, “you’re not really getting your work done here.” With that on my shoulders, the phrase “not a fit” is starting to come to mind.

I’ve only worked a hand-full of jobs. Some of those I’ve felt really out of place, only one made me really unhappy, but I’ve always left on my own terms and I’ve never been what I would call “not a fit.” In my experience with state government, not a fit, is not usually grounds for termination. It’s not at all clear that’s the case here. As the one in the household that serves as primary income earner, which I don’t particularly cherish, I can’t be in a position to be excused – so that sucks too. Aside from that, the truly hard thing to digest as being “not a fit.” is that it doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m not working my ass off or producing. Because I am. It means I’m not getting it and I don’t completely understand what it is I’m not getting. To be clear: I’m doing a bad job and have no idea how to fix the problem.

So, no. This year hasn’t gone well and I don’t see it getting better. My team never really accepted me, save perhaps one person who seems more interested in shoveling off less desirable tasks and making sure that I don’t screw things up too badly. In any case, I’ve given up trying. They don’t like me or my project and I don’t see a way to fix that. I’ve got users who aren’t satisfied and don’t even feel comfortable coming to me about it first. To top it off, my supervisor is in the process of making absolutely sure that blame is laid where it belongs and that I’m spending so much time in meetings to correct the problem, I won’t actually have time to solve it. In short, nobody has my back or seems to have an interest in helping me get to wherever the hell it is I’m supposed to be.

I know my position is funded through the calendar year, and I can probably squeeze into the end of next fiscal year, based solely on staffing levels. With this hanging over my head, though, I don’t see a particular push to ensure my position is funded going forward -something the promotion would have helped. So, the only way forward at this point is to spend a lot more time focused on the company I’m trying to help build up and seeing that into financial stability as quickly as possible, perhaps in the next couple of months. Other than that, my vacation started well. Too bad it couldn’t have stayed that way through the end.

*Day-job is being used in a broad-sense here.

 

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Tangents are not a type of citrus fruit

When I was in high-school I was introduced to tangents. In spite of the fact that tangent sounds vaguely like a small, tart citrus, in school it was used to mean a bit of mathematical wizardry involving one of those sweet graphic calculators. While I have no recollection on how to deal with tangents, I still feel strongly about how edible they sound. Of course, none of this has to do with the sort of tangent I’m thinking of right now. Mostly. 

The more I hear and read about proper plot construction, the more I keep hearing about this plot arc thing. It makes me thing of something  roundish or possibly completely round. This is not, usually, how I think about story telling. I tend to think about a story in terms of straight lines. Action A happens, so that B can happen, which causes C, and so-on. But, since it’s supposed to be an arc, I guess those things happen around a circle, which is illogical, but fine, I suppose.

Today, while my wife was putting together her blog post/newspaper article, she asked me to look it over. It was good. Usually is. This one was no exception, it was a solid piece. Then came the part that nobody likes to face. The bit where she asked, what do you think? So, I told her. Then she asked, Is it funny? That’s the sort of thing that makes my blood run cold.  Because my first thought was no, not really, but why the hell should it be. It’s good by itself. Anyone who’s ever given advice to a writer knows that just saying yes, it’s good, in spite of the fact that it is good, but not quite what the author thinks it is is easy, but stupid. In all cases, it will result in hours of questions like “really?” And “You think so?” With a smattering of “it’s good huh?” And “you think it’s funny?” Even though my wife most obligingly tells me my work is both good and funny, I decided to be honest. I said, “it’s a good and entertaining read, but I wouldn’t describe it as funny.”

“How do I make it funny?” Was her response. How could it not be? It’s the same thing I’d ask.

Naturally, I have absolutely no good response. If I had, I’d be a hell of a lot more successful writer than I am. That said, there is a feature in humorous writing, once pointed out, is obvious. Some humor takes lead up, planning and perfect execution, other humor simply requires profoundly artful understatement, and then there’s the tangent. Not the small tart citrus variety or the mathematical wizardry sort either, though if we’re sticking to the plot arc description, the mathematical tangent is a pretty good way to visualize this one. 

I asked my wife to think about the funniest book she’d read in a long time, which is a fun thing to visualize because watching my wife read something hilarious or just really funny is entertainment itself. I mean, except the parts where she’s laughing hard enough to challenge a blueberry for color. We came up with Terry Pratchett. One of the tricks he employs in his humor is the tangent. It works basically like this. You start your story and sporadically deviate with a vignette that theatrically embellish some tangentially related detail. I’d give an excellent example just now, but I think it would be better to just think about a funny story and go back to that. Look for the tangent. 

To be clear, I have no illusion that pulling off this little trick this makes you a funny writer, it’s a hell of a lot more work than that. but it is a trick that works. Anyhow, that’s what I wanted to share. I think it’s good advice, I mean, if you’re looking for it.