Wine Bottles and Broomsticks takes a bow, moves off stage

Winebottles_Broomsticks

Last week, I wrote a blog post about how Wine Bottles and Broomsticks wasn’t going to happen. Today, it didn’t. It didn’t achieve the requisite number of pre-orders on Inkshares.com in order to produce a limited run of the book. After the post from last week, I received a lot of really excellent feedback and advice. The basic gist of the advice was to keep moving, not just with writing, but with this project. Publishing is a tough business and Inkshares was probably not the best venue for an unknown author, especially given the fact that a pre-order there is more expensive than readers are comfortable paying for, and the incentives weren’t enough to overcome that cost difference. In short, just because this effort failed, doesn’t mean that continuing to explore other directions isn’t worth the time. I just need to sit-down and re-think what I’ve done and what other options remain.

At the moment, the basic direction is to keep moving. I’ve gotten some interesting and creative ideas to work with, but I think the first thing is to hit up a few indie publishers to see if I can find a fit for the project there. In the mean time, I’ve started working on book two and hope to have that drafted and ready for editing sometime next spring. If I don’t manage to pick up a publisher for Wine Bottles and Broomsticks by then, I will move forward with publishing it, along with the sequel myself. I’m not sure what that might look like, and I might yet conclude that self-publishing won’t be a successful route for me, but at least I’ve got an idea of how to proceed.

Anyhow, that’s the state of things. Thank you all so much for all of your support, this isn’t the last word on Wine Bottles and Broomsticks, but it is going on the shelf for a while.

Thanks,

Dave.

Penelope H. Adventure

This is a revisit of last year’s failed NaNo project. I’m resurrecting it for this year. Below is the first chapter, recast with a new lead, Penelope H. Adventure, & a new direction.


Penny stepped silently into the doorway of a cluttered, and she knew, deceptively cavernous, but comfortable workshop. It was lit only by a variety of gas lamps tacked hap-hazardly to various gray stone-walls and columns. In the middle of a region where the density of lamps was easily two to one on the rest of the shop, a little old man puttered contentedly, and hummed to himself. He leanend over an orderly, but thoroughly random looking conglomeration of cogs, gears, springs, and flywheels sitting on a work bench. Thittlebod the Adventurer he was called, or Thittlebod the Maker, Thittlebod the Secret Stealer, and sometimes Thittlebod the Great. Once she had even heard Thittlebod the Terrible. He wasn’t any of those things. As she stepped fully into the room, he looked up and removed his goggles, blinking at her with small eyes, watery from concentration. He ran his hand through his wispy white hair.

“My dear Penelope,” he said with a toothy smile. “You’ve arrived just in the nick of time.”

Penelope Hope was her proper name, but it didn’t suit her. It was far too formal for her tastes. She imagined a Penelope Hope to be one of those prim and brainless bimbos that flitted about the courts of the moneyed. No, that wasn’t her, never would be. Their story was always the same. There was no fairytale ending for them. She’d called herself Penny H. Adventure for years now, and couldn’t see herself any other way.

She let out an exasperated sigh. “You know I don’t care for the name.”

“Ah, yes, of course, my dear. You prefer Penny. Might you see fit to forgive an old man in his dotage.”

Thittlebod’s eyes sparkled at this. Whatever he was, he wasn’t dotty. Penny knew he thought of her as little Penelope Hope, always had. She had been a princess in his home ever since she was a small child.

“Oh, my dear,” Thittlebod said, embracing her tightly. “It is so good to see you. I am glad you have come down all this way.”

“I am pleased to have the excuse,” Penny said, taking a step back and looking him over more closely. She was disappointed to see that age was beginning to catch up with him. “To what do I owe the honor of your invitation?”

“Your help, my dear, your help.”

Penny raised her eyebrow. “Another wild and dangerous trip off into the far reaches of the world?”

Thittlebod waived his hand. “No, my dear, I’m too old for that now. Too old. No, I’ll show you.”

After fiddling with the mass of gears and what-not on his workbench, he turned a crank, counting aloud to ten, then he dropped a brilliant blue gem into the mess and clicked a panel into place over it. He took a few steps back.

“A dozen heartbeats, my dear,” He said.

True to his word, a dozen heartbeats later, the mass began moving. Out of habit, and a hard earned sense of caution, Penny’s hand fell to the the ornately carved wooden grip of her pistol on her hip.

“No, no, my dear, he’s safe,” Thittlebod said, holding his hand out to stop her.

Penny raised an eyebrow, but didn’t move her hand. “He?”

They watched as the mass, sat up on the bench, stretched, and turned to face them, just as if it were getting out of bed. It struck a remarkably human pose and, as much as a mechanical thing could, it took on a look of surprise.

“Most men of your age get a cat, Thits,” Penny said dryly.

Thittlebod shrugged off the remark. “Rundis here is the world’s first auto-winding automaton.”

“Perhaps you mean the world’s first automaton?” Penny corrected him.

“Details,” Thittlebod said vaguely.

“Why have you made it?”

Rundis stared at them with unblinking, glass eyes. Two little flaps, Penny took to be eyebrows were raised. Penny had interpreted the expression as surprise, but was now reconsidering that it might be curiosity.

Thittlebod frowned. “Why have I made him? Well, he’s part of your little adventure isn’t he?”

The polite thing to do would have been to let the enigmatic statement go and wait for clarification. After all, these sorts of statements were the norm for Thittlebod. Penny, however, didn’t set much store by politeness and they knew each other too well for little dances of etiqutte. “I’m not sure how that could be less obvious.”

“In due course, my dear.”

“Have I a role?” Rundis said in a metallic, echoing voice.

Penny eyed the automaton, who was still sitting on the workbench. “It talks?”

Thittlebod looked from Rundis to her, squinting. “Well, of course it does, my dear. Wouldn’t be of much help to you if he didn’t, now would he?”

Penny nodded, squinting at Rundis. “I need a very stiff drink Thits.”

“Of course you do, my dear,” Thittlebod said kindly.

“May I do a drink?” Rundis asked, cocking its head slightly.

“Two, actually,” Penny added.

“Naturally,” Thittlebod said, gesturing down a corridor leading off the back of the workshop. “And something to eat after your journey. There is very much to do.”

Penny shook her head and followed Thittlebod down a hallway lined with rapidly fading glow-bulbs. At each one, he stopped and gave a couple of turns to the cranks affixed to each, causing them to flame into their full brightness. Rundis tailed them, clunking and whirring with each step. They emerged into Thittlebod’s study where tall windows overlooked a small garden walled with tall trees. The room was bright and spacious. Comfortable chairs and fussy tables on spindly legs were scattered about. A pile of gear and all the trappings for a full adventure sat stacked in the middle of the room next to a tall mirror.

As many times as she had been in that room, Penny had never seen a mirror, but recognized it all the same. She’d seen smaller ones, usually on one of her journeys, but never this large. A crack near the bottom opened to a large missing piece along the edge of the frame. It was that missing piece that gave it away. Of course, that and the fact that it reflected some other, unknown room, the same as reflected by every other mirror of its sort.

“Where did you get it?” Penny asked.

“Lovely specimen isn’t it? Picked it very many years ago. Curious things aren’t they?”

Penny looked around the room. She realized there were more than a dozen other magic mirrors scattered about, hanging from walls or set on tables. Rundis was shuffling around clumsily picking up various frail looking instruments.

“I’ve seen my share, I just thought they were some old forgotten enchantment.”

Thittlebod poured a generous measure of a strong drink Penny could almost see smoking in the glass. “Yes, the prevailing belief. Never liked it really. It’s the missing piece in the bottom of every one that’s always nagged me. Look here,” He said picking up a hand-held mirror. “Feel the glass, it’s smooth.”

Penny ran her finger along the bottom where the missing piece was. Just as Tittlebod said, smooth.

“You’ve figured out the mystery then?”

“No, no, there is much here that I couldn’t hope to unravel. It’s taken me a lifetime to get to this point, dear Penelope.”

Penny took a sip of her drink. “I grew up here Thits, I’d never even so much as seen one of these until I went out on my own. How is it this is a life-long research?”

Thittlebod shifted uncomfortably. “I had rather hoped not to bring you into this adventure.”

Penny frowned. “So, then why have you?”

“Not just yet, my dear, not just yet. Food first. You must be terribly hungry,” Thittlebod said, turning to leave the room.

Before he could make it out, a man appeared at the door. He was tall, with blond hair that fell in curly locks to his shoulders. If it weren’t for his square jaw, he might, at first, be taken for a woman. His traveling cloak was pristene, as were his boots and the rest of his clothes. Upon catching sight of Penny, his face split into a broad, toothy smile.

“Ah, Eston you’ve arrived,” Thittlebod said. “Just join dear Penny here and I’ll have some food brought in.”

“Sure thing,” Eston said, moving past Thittlebod toward Penny.

“What have I done to be inflicted by your presence once again?” Penny asked as Thittlebod left the room.

“Surely it’s not so bad. That last adventure was a romping good time.”

“No, it wasn’t. You left me alone in the forest surrounded by some really pissed-off gnomes. Then when I made it back, you called me, what was it again? Sweet-cheeks. There is nothing good about it.”

“To be fair, you did shoot me. I still have the scars, care to take a look?”

“No, for gods’ sake keep your pants on!”

Eston smiled. “Well, if you ever change your mind, you just let me know.”

Penny shuddered. “I should shoot you again. What are you even doing here?”

“Same as you, work. Any chance I might get a bit of that?” He asked pointing at her drink.

“No,” She said downing the rest of her drink in one gulp, something she immediately regretted as it sent flaming vapors up her nostrils. “The last thing any of us need is for you to be boozed up,” she coughed.

“I have missed your fire, Penny,” He said with a smile.

“So what has Thittlebod told you?”

Eston took a seat in one of the chairs. “Not much, just that he had some dangerous work. So here I am.”

[Of all the people he could have chosen,] Penny thought, taking a seat herself. “I think we both know danger isn’t really your cup of tea.”

“People change, Penelope.”

Penny bristled at the use of her full name. “No, they just become more transparent about who they are,” she paused, realization dawning. “You’re only here because I am, aren’t you?”

Eston smiled. A loud crash sounded on the other side of the room, drawing their attention.

“I believe this is no longer functional,” Rundis said, holding up a mangled bit of gadgetry.

“Who is our friend here?” Eston asked.

“Rundis.”

“Strange fellow. I expect Thittlebod made him?”

Penny looked at her empty glass. The drink was already warming her belly, but it wasn’t going to be enough to deal with wherever this was going. “He did.”

Tihttlebod re-entered the room, carrying a tray with an assortment of meats and cheese. He set it on a low table.

“Where’s your help?” Eston said, immediately diving in.

“Some matters require private discussion. They’ll return to keep the Tinkerage while we’re away.”

“Where exactly is away, Thits?” Penny asked.

“I am not certian, somewhere in the real world.”

A long silence descended over their small group. Even Rundis’ constant whirring and clicking seemed to taper off.

“Surely,” Eston smiled a wide, nervous and very, very fake smile, “We are in the real world, are we not?”

Thittlebod walked over to the large mirror and rubbed his finger around the edge. “We are not.”

Penny closed her eyes, wondering if Thittlebod had finally lost it. She opened them and looked at her empty whisky glass, wishing it full again. “We’re not in the real world?”

Thittlebod put his hands behind his back and rocked on his heels. “No. It is my belief that we are on the wrong side of the mirror.”

Penny shook her head. “It’s just magical illusion. Those mirrors always show the same empty room. It’s a trick, nothing more.”

“The real world does exist dear Penelope,” Thittlebod said softly. “What is not clear is whether we do.”

Penny held out her empty glass. Thittlebod sighed, but took the glass and filled it with another measure of evil smoldering liquid. He also handed Eston a generous share, before taking a seat himself.

Thittlebod’s eyes got the bright, excited look Penny associated with a brilliant new discovery. “Here we sit in the great city of Lundus. At last count, the largest city in the known world by a factor of ten. There are people everywhere. Very many of those people are little more than illusion,” Thittlebod leaned forward. “Not one of them could tell you who was not real. Perhaps all three of us might be real or illusion.”

This statement made Penny’s blood run cold and by the pasty look on Eston’s face, he wasn’t doing any better with it. “That’s downright alarming, Thits,” she said. “I don’t suppose you could give us a bit more?”

“I can’t. That’s why we’re going to the other side.”

“I don’t follow the bit about people being illusion.” Eston said.

“When you look in a normal mirror, you see an illusion of yourself staring back. You’re the real thing, but in our case, many or all of us are supposed to be the ones looking out of the mirror back at someone in the real world. Travel far and wide, and you will come across all sorts of mirrors just like the big one here,” Thittlebod handed Penny a hand mirror reflecting the same dusty room and having the same crack at the bottom as the large one. “Somehow, they all reflect the same exact place. It is my postulation that this is happening because our world is a reflection of the world we see in that mirror.”

“What about the regular mirrors, the ones that do just reflect things back?” Penny asked.

Thittlebod took a bit of cheese and meat and sat down. “They could be to our world what ours is to the real world. My hypothesis is that the world behind this mirror is special. It’s the true real world.”

“Thits, I love you to death, but I don’t believe a word of this.”

Thittlebod nodded. “This is one of the reasons we need to go. As right as I feel in the matter, I want certain proof.”

“And what do we do with that proof?” Eston asked. “I’ve spent my entire life comfortable with the notion I was as perfectly real as the next guy.”

“But you may not be,” Thittlebod corrected him.

“Thits, are we just going to do this just for the sake of figuring it out?”

“In a word, yes. It would help my soul to know the truth of it.”

That was enough for Penny. It was something Thittlebod wanted, and she owed it to him. Plus, it was an adventure she knew she wouldn’t be able to walk away from, but she could tell by Estons’ uncomfortable shifting that it wasn’t for him.

Eston shifted and cleared his throat shakily. “So, then, the plan is to leave this world and go into another?”

“Yes. Naturally, I will go first. You, Penny, and Rundis will follow.”

“What is my purpose?” Rundis asked from across the room.

“Ah, yes. I haven’t told you,” Thittlebod said. “I’ve made you and so I know for certain that you, at least, among us are real. This might be helpful, but more importantly, you are to remember all of my notes and books and things. I’m far too old to do this myself.”

“Do I know these?”

“Yes, it’s been encoded into your memory wheels.”

“How are we going to travel to this real world?” Penny asked.

“Obviously we go through the mirror.”

Penny stood up and walked over to the large mirror standing in the middle of the room. She pushed her finger against the glass. It was quite solid. “How?”

“Magic, of course. How else would I make it fluid?”

“You make magic?” Penny asked in a much too loud voice that exuded incredulity.

“I may avoid it at every opportunity, but I do know how it’s done.”

“What do we do if you go through and something bad happens?” Penny asked.

“I would say that depends on the manner of the happening.”

“So, when do you want to go?” Eston asked. Penny could tell he was trying to work out how to extricate himself.

“It’s nearly dark now. I think two hours past dusk will be adequate.”

Can’t I just disappear for a while?

This morning I got up, dragged my sorry rump off to work, got stuck in traffic and rolled into work late. Not awesome. I was able to stay late to make it up, no problem. The bigger problem was that when I hit the parking lot and climbed out. My first thought was “I am so done, so done.” To be clear, I don’t hate my job, but I’m so so busy, so incredibly busy. I know I claim to be a writer and should easily be able to describe how many flavors of busy I am and how it feels to work in an environment so saturated with crises that everyone seems to think adding unnecessary crises is a pretty good idea  – you know to really show how busy we are, but the best I can come up with is that I can’t finish a current task without having two more added to the list. My colleague and I have written about 120 reports in the past five months. To add some context to that, this is roughly the annual throughput of the entire team prior to our arrival. As this is my job and I’m well compensated for it, it should be YAY us, we’re freaking awesome. Nope. Not feeling it -I’m tired.

Last weekend, the wife and I went to Seattle, sans children, to have a romantic stress-free weekend. This was fully achieved, it was great. I don’t care how many homeless people I didn’t see or how much I didn’t have my car broken into or any of those things that happen in big cities. I frikkin’ loved Seattle. LOVED. I figured the trip would really recharge my batteries. It did for about a day. Then, I came back and reality hit again.

I have made myself so busy, I now feel guilty about the 1 hour a week I’m devoting to watching Westworld. I’ve got a demanding job, for which I’ve recently had a title change that I can’t tell anybody about that because apparently something got screwed up, I don’t know what got screwed up, just that I have a shiny new meaningless title and I’m also pretty sure everyone thinks I’m slacking. On top of that, I’m trying to start another company for another company, which is NOT going as hoped. I’m also trying to write 2 (no, actually 4, but only two actively) books AND I’m trying to get a book published on inkshares – that’s not going great, but I’m doing the best I can to promote without being absolutely insufferable. To continue to add to the list, I’m writing a recipe article for my wife’s dad’s newspaper (any suggestions? – due tomorrow, looks like). Then, last but not least, I’m trying to keep up on my blog, which (obviously) is not going well. I’m so damn over-taxed that I’ve tried about half a dozen posts in the last week or two and have gotten just past the “hey, I had this great thought I wanted to share” point and realized I didn’t have the mental energy to get to the point and wrap it.

Yesterday, I started the audiobook for Felicia Day’s autobiography – it’s called something about being weird on the internet, don’t ask me the title, I’m too lazy to pick up my iPod or open another tab to Google it and get it right. This audio book is good, I mean I love her work, and think she’s a spectacular writer. I’m pretty sure the book is meant to be a ‘rah-rah, love yourself and follow your dreams’ sort of story. Well, it didn’t work for me. I pretty much finished it and have more or less come a way thinking that this woman is brilliant and talented, and I am not, and no amount of hard work I put into anything is going to amount to anything one tenth so brilliant.

Part of the reason I’m so busy at work is that I’ve built a system that lends itself to extremely rapid adhoc report development. Someone can ask me the question: How many CCU visits resulted in this particular diagnosis in August & September 2016 and the same for 2015. I can spin that around in like 20 minutes. The usual timeline for an adhoc like that is like six months – largely because it would take 3-6 hours, maybe more, and it doesn’t count as a big important thing, so it gets dropped to the bottom of the list. In any case, having built this system up, I am becoming ‘the guy’. I’m not the only ‘the guy’, but I am one, and so I’m in demand. On one hand, you could call this a win and say it’s brilliant within my work context, but I don’t see it that way. I still have 50 unresolved tickets and have a mountain of documentation and training materials, plus hours of meetings and requirements gathering for more reports, I don’t have much of a handle on planning or even progress, my whole project management game is shit, really. Basically, I have worked my ass off and am further behind than when I started. This is not a win, nor is is anything like brilliant.

I wrote a book I love and characters I think are awesome. That book received 0 response from more than 40 agents and has not gained any sort of momentum on inkshares. I have had TREMENDOUS support from so many people, who are endlessly sharing and tweeting and pre-ordering, but with less than a month and more than 200 copies to go. The win is looking beyond remote. That book is very unlikely to see the light of day. I can’t tell you how much THAT makes me feel like I’m letting folks down. So much support, and I’m unable to make the win. When you crowd-fund like that, the project becomes the project of everyone who supported, and for me to not hit the magic number is an ENORMOUS failure to deliver for EVERY SINGLE PERSON who has helped and been generous and supportive.

I’m not stuck on my other works as much as I simply haven’t got the time to work on them as much as is necessary to finish any one of them. I mean, I do write -every day. Sometimes, I get super productive and knock out 2K in a single night, but those nights are rare and with so little energy to spare, the best I can do is read through what I wrote on one of those WIPs and think about how much work remains.

So.

Here I am.

I don’t have the bandwidth. I just want to walk away from all of it. I’m tired and my motivation for doing more than coming home, having a beer and falling asleep on the couch is basically non-existent. I clearly haven’t got the drive or talent of a person capable of pulling off any of what I’ve set out out to do. The hard part is that I can’t help but try. I suppose that for every ‘I worked my ass off to get here’ story you get, you get as many ‘I worked my ass off and I’m no further down the road than I was ten years ago’ stories. Anyhow, now I’m off to work on something that requires my attention.

Maybe stupidity and unrelenting stubbornness will pay off at some point?